26 Chapter (2)

he was a heterosexual man. Rohan would never want such an intimate relationship with another man—not that Jamil wanted it, either. He didn’t. The mere idea was… ridiculous: they were from different social circles, different cultures, and different sexualities. They had no future together, in any capacity.

It was a good thing this was ending before it could be something disastrous. More disastrous than it already was.

“I have to go,” Rohan said roughly, his gaze searching as it roamed over Jamil’s face. His hands squeezed Jamil’s shoulders. “If there’s anything I can do for you before I go…”

Jamil opened his mouth to say that he didn’t need anything when an idea urred to him. At first it seemed too insane to entertain, but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted it.

“Give me a baby.”

Rohan flinched.

“What?” he said, his eyes wide and his muscles visibly tense.

Jamil moistened his dry lips with his tongue. “The Queen… She’s pressuring me—” He cut himself off. No, that wasn’t right. “My people are worried that there’s no established line of session. I need an heir. Mehmer—he didn’t leave his gic material, so my mother says I need a donor to be the other biological father. But I…” He bit his bottom lip, averting his gaze before meeting Rohan’s again. “I don’t really like the thought of having the child of a total stranger.”

Rohan’s jaw worked. He shook his head slowly. “Jamil, I can’t just give my child to other people to raise as another man’s. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

Jamil’s stomach dropped. Crossing his arms over his chest, he turned his back to Rohan, not confident that his face wouldn’t betray his disappointment. “I wasn’t asking you to give a child to other people,” he said tonelessly. “I was asking you to give it to me.” He shrugged. “But I guess there isn’t much of a difference for you.”

Rohan swore and grabbed his shoulders. “Don’t say that,” he said harshly, his stubble scratching the skin of Jamil’s neck from behind. “You’re—fuck, you’re the most confusing thing that has ever happened to me—I have no idea what the fuck this is, but…” He sighed. “I want you to be happy,” he said hoarsely. “I want you to be safe and happy, I want to give you anything you want. Because you deserve it. But I really can’t do what you’re asking me to do. There are reasons—”

“Fine,” Jamil said. “Sorry for asking. It was stupid of me—I don’t even know how healthy you are. Mother has already found a perfect candidate anyway.”

Rohan’s hands tightened on his arms. “No.”

Jamil’s eyebrows furrowed. “No?”

Heaving a frustrated sigh, Rohan said testily, “Never mind. I can’t think straight when you’re so close.” But he didn’t make an attempt to pull away.

“You’re sending really mixed signals, you know,” Jamil said.

Rohan snorted. “I know. It’s like there are two of me in my head right now. One knows what a terrible idea it is, the other…”

“The other?”

“The other is a possessive ass who wants to give you what no other man has ever given you.” He groaned into Jamil’s nape. “Fucking hell, this is ridiculous. I don’t even want to fuck you. What have you done to me, sweetheart?”

Jamil turned his head and Rohan’s lips skimmed over his cheek, causing him to shiver and lose his train of thought for a moment. “Is that a yes?”

“Apparently,” Rohan said, nibbling on the skin of his telepathic point.

Jamil keened, shuddering in Rohan’s arms as Rohan slipped inside him. I’m gonna give you a baby so that you’ll never et me.

It wasn’t a direct thought, just a strong impression he got from Rohan before Rohan wrenched himself away, both physically and mentally.

Disoriented from the sudden end of the merge, Jamil turned around.

“Sorry,” Rohan said, his expression pinched. “I didn’t mean to do that.” He let out a short laugh. “It’s bing increasingly obvious that I need to get away from you. Just give me the name of the gic center and your gicist and I’ll do the rest.”

“Eipent’tak Gic Center, Doctor Tuvok,” Jamil heard himself say, as though in a daze. His mind was still pulsing with raw need, reaching out for Rohan’s hungrily. The merge had been too brief. He wanted more.

Rohan’s expression became tight. “Please stop that,” he said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “I have to go, Jamil. But I’ll do what you want.”

Jamil blinked, Rohan’s words finally sinking in.

“Thank you,” he said when Rohan started turning away.

Rohan paused and looked at him for a long moment, his frustrated expression softening. “Just—be happy, okay?”

Jamil forced out a smile. “I will.”

His smile faded as the door slid shut, leaving him in a silent room.

He hadn’t known silence could be so loud.

And so empty.